I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
