Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
