We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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