yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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