I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
