All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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