when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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