put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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