If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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