so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
