My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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