So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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