I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
