Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
