I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
