Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
