Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
