My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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