Grow some girl-balls and come out already
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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