I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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