i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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