he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
