Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to calm my uterus...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
