I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
