They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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