I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
