Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
only if we run a train.
done.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
