My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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