ya dads aren't the best wingmen
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
