dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
