im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
