That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
a search helicopter?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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