I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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