So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize