I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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