Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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