Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We named our party play list daddy issues
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
