If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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