you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
