Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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