you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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