You're so nebulous sometimes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
