hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry about my life...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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