Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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