I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
