I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
