Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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