She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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