:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
