why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
