it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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