Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
