i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
