Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
