Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
