You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
