I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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