Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
