i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
