I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
