We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
