actually, I'm a sock model
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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