dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
