A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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