i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
