Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
