Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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