I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
