So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
