i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
there was a trapeze. enough said
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
