i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
